I landed my dream job… and I hate it
I just moved into my dream job! On paper, it’s exactly what I’ve been dreaming about ever since I went to college. I studied engineering in college and if you asked me what kind of job I’d like to do with my degree it would be something along these lines:
- Technical – I want to build things
- Innovative – Work on creating a new project
- Researcher – Have a deep understanding of the problem I’m trying to fix (Probably the one I thought was most unattainable since I believed you needed to have a PhD)
- Lab environment – I love taking my prototypes and testing them in different circumstances in a lab setting
For some context, the first job I got out of college was the polar opposite of that. It was an entry level management role. Now, if you asked me literally at any point in my life if I EVER wanted to be a manager, the answer would be 100% no. I still took the job because I needed some income. As expected, I hated working in that role. Long hours, no additional pay, always on call, ridiculous expectations. The list goes on and on. So I applied to a different position, one I was SUPER excited about. It had everything on my checklist and more! I finally have work/life balance and I’m treated like a human being and not another expendable resource…so why am I still unhappy??
I wish I could say that by the time I’m writing this post I’ve had some deep revelation about why that is, but I still don’t. Sometimes I feel guilty thinking I’m ungrateful for the job I currently have. Growing up I became aware of money from a young age. I knew we struggled to pay for bills that our livelihood depended on.
I now have a job that pays me more than I ever thought was possible. When I think about it, I’m rich. I have a roof over my head. I never have to worry if I’ll be able to pay the bills. Heck, I even bought a house in this economy! I say all of that to show that I truly am blessed…and that’s why I feel so ungrateful for not liking a job that helps provide me that financial security.
I feel like it’s important to acknowledge my feelings about my work since I think about it so often. There’s a couple of reasons I might not like my job. In full transparency, I might hate it because I’m not automatically good at it. I normally give up on things as soon as they get difficult because for some weird reason I think I need to be perfect at everything. Is it healthy? Absolutely not. Is it rationale? Nope, yet here we are.
Secondly, after working at a job that treated me so horribly, I reached a breaking point. I was constantly reminded that I was an expendable resource and could easily be replaced. So why would I want to continue working for that same company? I realized, the harder I work, the richer I’m making some else. I’m no longer okay with that. If I’m going to work hard it’s going to be for my business making MYSELF rich.
So first step of holding myself accountable and actually putting actions in place to reach my goals is the creation of this blog. I’m hoping this will eventually be a source of income.
Step 1 of becoming “that girl” is complete.
